I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
