yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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