Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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