ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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