Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
