11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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