remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
