gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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