BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
