Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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