I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
