is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
