I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
