the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
