well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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