I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
