JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
