Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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