My room smells like vodka and shame
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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