So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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