Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
