The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize