i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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