oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
