it wasn't lemon gatorade
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
