your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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