idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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