i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
