I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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