you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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