I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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