You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I smell like Dick and happiness
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
