I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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