Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
