even my farts smell like vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
