my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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