lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?