And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????