thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.