Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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(213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj

Replies (9) Good night (6306) Bad night (708)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.

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(202): Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help. http://tfl.nu/hn4q

Replies (4) Good night (3178) Bad night (609)
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(540): View more from Virginia

what do you have against ST

(1-540): View more from Virginia

DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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(540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl

Replies (11) Good night (3414) Bad night (1021)
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(301): View more from Maryland

He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.

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(301): He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired. http://tfl.nu/1pq9

Replies (29) Good night (5261) Bad night (1061)
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(616): View more from Michigan

the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

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(616): the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles. http://tfl.nu/0i26

Replies (13) Good night (4002) Bad night (1202)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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(412): Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers." http://tfl.nu/fu3x

Replies (11) Good night (1135) Bad night (3192)
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(516): View more from New York

what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

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(516): what's the name of that soccar player i bit again? http://tfl.nu/zrsr

Replies (8) Good night (2478) Bad night (1111)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took

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(780): Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took http://tfl.nu/mwwf

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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(+44): let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions? http://tfl.nu/wlcv

Replies (6) Good night (1631) Bad night (797)
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(509): View more from Washington

Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.

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(509): Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year. http://tfl.nu/o1qc

Replies (8) Good night (2066) Bad night (677)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you said candy land and then passed out.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.

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(215): you said candy land and then passed out. (215): ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/gx08

Replies (8) Good night (3055) Bad night (606)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I can't answer my phone I'm at work

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities

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(339): I can't answer my phone I'm at work (781): I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities http://tfl.nu/qhjl

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.

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(617): The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie. http://tfl.nu/3kb9

Replies (16) Good night (1414) Bad night (612)
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(801): View more from Utah

You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.

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(801): You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fwv4

Replies (5) Good night (493) Bad night (839)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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(304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5

Replies (4) Good night (500) Bad night (289)

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