Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
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i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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