It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My feet surprised me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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