I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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