omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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