i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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