I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
