there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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