Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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