Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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