i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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