Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
