i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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