i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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