Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
