Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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