Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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