If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
