On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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