I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
