Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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