i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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