I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As shirtless as possible
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
