you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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