just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
