She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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