the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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