apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
