I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
