It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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